Sunday, September 4, 2011

When Eating Healthy Fails

It's Fall.
I am a wonderful mother.
I feel like cooking.
I long to make delightful and healthy snacks for my family to enjoy.

And also, I have some black  over-ripe bananas on the counter that are starting to look like a science project.

Please...kill us...
I made some smashing gigantic banana muffins for camping in a new pan my pals bought be for my birthday and hit it out of the park with regard to deliciousness.

Crispy Corners Brownie Pan - Bed bath and Beyond

So of course, I can't find the recipe. 
And I suspect said recipe was laden with oil and sugar...and chocolate chunks. Chunks, not heard me. They were stellar and the campers descended upon them like a swarm of locusts. 

I looked for a new recipe that was both delicious and healthy so I could make my kids eat them for breakfast instead of cooking provide healthy snacks for my kids to take to school. Some had oats, walnuts, carrot, and flax seed. 

I had: flour, water, sugar, chocolate chips and some half dead bananas. 

I came across one that received good reviews so I whipped them up. The batter seemed thick, but I didn't worry too much - these were healthy and devoid of tragic substances like oil OR butter! I even used whole wheat flour I had hidden found in the back of the pantry. 

Guilt free goodness!!

I hummed while I worked, drank my tea and patted myself on the back when they practically LEAPT out of the crispy corners pan without effort. I sampled the fare and thought...........


Not bad, but certainly not the delicious camping goodness. They were heavy and a little dry. :-( Just then the baboos and their cousin rolled in, a-starve. I offered the muffins and they cheered, suspecting the return of the camping muffins. I hinted these were a little different, and then lay in wait to see the response. 


They ate them, but not exactly ravenously. They watched TV and merely consumed them, in slow bits. One didn't finish hers, and she always finishes hers...

I offered some butter, therefore RUINING the healthy aspect, but the group declined. And discarded their half eaten gigantic muffins on the coffee table as I wept. 

Muffin fail (cousin of muffin top, but that is another fail for another day).

What to do? Luckily, I made a DOUBLE batch of crap, so now what? Ah, Google, my dear friend. 

A few clicks and I was learning  more about simple syrup than I ever wanted to know. I few sites talked about how to avoid dry muffins and cakes next time, which I felt was rude. If I could go BACK, I wouldn't be trying to FIX my muffins, now would I? WOULD I? (ahem.)

Simple syrup is truly, simple. Equal parts sugar and water (and any additional flavor if you like) it can be added to iced tea, mixed drinks and of course, can be used to add moisture to baked goods you have screwed up trying to be healthy which have become dry. 

I stirred some up and whisked it furiously, even the the recipe just said boil. I brushed it THRICE over the muffins and even poked holes in them to facilitate saturation. I put a little between my cheek and gum, and put a dab behind my knee just because. 

Now i wait. Eating table water crackers. Why, because they are delicious and made with processed flour, thats' why! Duh.

The treated muffins smell good. They're shiny. The simple syrup has soaked the muffin papers on the second batch (round) and we may have to eat the wrappers too. 

They look sticky on the top, which is an improvement over their first look of..

((all together now))


When I squeeze them ever so gently, they seem to have a little more give and the syrup seems to have soaked into the holes I made with corn cob holders a very precise kitchen tool.

I want to suggest the baboos try another one, but I'm afraid of rejection.
And, it's lunch time. 

I consider having one myself, but I am now stuffed like a Christmas turkey with Table water crackers. 

It's stress eating. Don't judge. 

I spy the smallest and kindest baboo watching football and ask him to help with an experiment. He loves science, so he agrees to help. 

I explain the lengthy process of my corrective method while he listens intently. He says:


I cut the muffin down the center and wait patiently while he dives in. I ask "is it better??" He says:

"sort of. Can I have some milk?"


The larger baboo and her ridiculously tall cousin sweep in and go for round two on the scientific muffin experiment. The baboo RAVES about their improvement, lauding their increased sweetness and increase in moisture. Then, she says:

"Will you buy us lunch in town?"

Sigh. Science is so subjective. 


Mrs. Tuna said...

K, usually I'd leave some super witty comment. Today, I will offer some cooking advice,(I should, in theory I have a cooking blog). Next time use apple sauce instead of oil. I even have blender banana bread recipe here.......

Sara said...

I stayed up late last night making healthy muffins for 1st day back to school. And they are so healthy that they are pretty gross and no one ate them. So I get where you're coming from!!

Sandra said...

I would have eaten them. No adjustments required. I'm not fussy (plus I haven't had sugar in a week.)